Category Archives: How To

Tips & Techniques

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New Administration – HURRY!

Coming Soon: New Administration

I’ve been approached by an organization that has expressed an interest in becoming the new administrators for this site.  Therefore, I recommend that You:

  • Join the The Domina101™ Collective to commune with Female Dominants to learn and share Life Knowledge, techniques, and general-how-to information with Quality Fetishists; and
  • Acquire any downloads You wish to keep from this site.

Check current Workshops and Events!

All THE BEST,
Mistress Didi*


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Tips For How You Express Yourself

by Mistress Didi*

THE most important thing a Domme can do is to develop Herself – which means to develop Her own Self-Control (starting with avoiding being needy and focus on being choosey) because the truth about Control is there is only Self-Control = what you will and will not allow.

To ensure that You communicate clearly and present Yourself from a place of authority — which is something the new Domina can often have difficulty with — remember:

1)  Please consider VERY carefully how you communicate.  Choose your words carefully and monitor your tone.  You don’t want to come across as desperate because that attracts trolls and worse;

2)  Be careful of whom you trust.  Most of these jokers talk a good game – especially when they believe that You don’t know any better.  So, make them prove worthy of Your attention.  This practice weeds out the fakers-takers-shakers-noise-makers; and

3)  Please read Safety Tips For Dommes.

These steps will offer You comfort and build Your confidence so that it is easier to pay attention to what is actually being said and offered, rather than getting carried away in the notion of “having submissives.”

A Gift from The Mistress Didi*

I conduct Mentoring and Training classes and workshops in person and via webcam. I’ve also created The Domina101™ Collective as an opportunity for Female Dominants to learn and share Life Knowledge, techniques, and general-how-to information from and with Quality Fetishists.

The following is a Domina101™ Mentoring Program Preparation Guide to assist You in becoming clear on Your goals so that You may clearly communicate them.

Download or Read Online a
Complimentary Domina101™ Prep Guide

and utilize

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My Rules For Clear Communication

by Mistress Didi*

originally posted on Ask Mistress Didi*

I encourage You to use My Rules as guidelines to develop and enhance Your own.  Here are a few of My Tips to avoid some of the stupid, “substandard” games people play:

Unless a Domme’s fetish is dealing with people with ADHD-type behaviors or repeating Herself, a sub’s lack of attention is:

  • Disrespectful to the Domme. What is a submissive’s purpose in Your Domain? To serve You on Your terms as You decide he will serve. If the sub – and especially in public – is not attentive to You, it appears to The Scene that You are at fault in his training – no matter what the real deal is. And that presents a picture for all kinds of annoying situations to think that they can make a home in Your zone because not only are first impressions lasting, but too many creeple are out here looking for any and everything negative to disrupt Your flow – even if they have to make it up;
  • A sign of a lack of commitment to his service agreement with the Domme. There are whole generations of folks who believe that they can demonstrate the worst behaviors which will inevitably be forgiven and forgotten til the next time – and each and every time. I believe that this is a poor-parenting failure that is perpetrated on a variety of levels. The brat gets away with it at the source of his relationship identity and fully expects the same from You and everyone else on the planet, evidently…; and
  • Stressful to the Domme and, subsequently (no pun intended) to the sub. While there are tons of creeple addicted to chaos, most of Us don’t want to be stressed – especially in Our Fetish Lives.

In defense of a sub, quite often, communication rules are not clearly defined and mishaps can happen. This is why I present to The Domina101™ Collective:

Rules For Clear Communication

Know What You Want

First and foremost, a Domme needs to (i) know what She wants and (ii) choose the best ways to communicate Her wants. All too often, I see people barking orders and the sub as no clue what is really being requested of him because the Dominant doesn’t really know either! Vague commands yield “non-results” and are a setup for failure all the way around. Most submissives will default to what they already know (training from someone and somewhere else) when they do not have clear directives. It is imperative to know exactly what you want to have a starting point to be able to communicate your desires.

I streamline My conversation to the best of My ability – e.g., carefully choosing explicit words for EXACTLY what I want in order to make it easy for people to understand Me. The problem is that everyone is conditioned to believe that they can magically anticipate what someone wants from what we think they should want based upon our fantasies of their lives. I suggest that You research effective communication techniques for project managers because, after all, You are managing Your Domain. You will develop Your own sense of what works for You, of course, but the more You know, the better things go!

I am also consistent. I clearly define and relay My Rules to everyone, including posting them online, for people who want to participate in My Domain to be personally responsible for adhering to them. I actually have a script so that I tell each person the exact same thing and I have them repeat what My instructions mean in their own words to ensure that misunderstandings are not on My end. Each and every time, culprits attempt to insist that their behavior was in My “best interests” while clearly disrespecting My Rules – which is always merely them enacting their own agenda without consideration for the commitment they made. Their typical next step is to attempt to feign being offended and lashing out against you (i) because their behavior is not excused and (ii) for pointing out their wrong-doing with documented facts.

The Hearing Technique:

Most of the time, people speak at each other and not with each other.  To enhance comprehension:

1)  Identify and get clear on what You want to say.

2)  Choose the simplest, most direct words to communicate what You want.

  • Further simplify by expressing it as if You were communicating with a 5-year-old. This is not to be condescending (unless that’s part of the Fetish!); it helps you to be certain that you’re being clear

3)  Ask the person(s) to repeat back to You in their own words so that YOU can be sure You communicated clearly and were heard; revise as necessary

Often, I will tell the submissive about this process so that it is further enhanced by his own awareness of and focus on the technique. How people show up is what makes it worth Your while to continue with their service to You.

I use this technique in all of My communications with Dominants and submissives alike. It takes a bit of practice – and practice cannot always guarantee perfection. Some people are committed to being disruptive (See How To Handle Disruptors). But these tools will enhance your best efforts.

Always MY Pleasure,
The Mistress Didi*

www.PartyDomme.com

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Would You like to share with The DommeSalon™?  Please CLICK HERE to share Your work with Us.

FREE Webcam Workshops: Preparing For 50 Shades of FOOLISHNESS

Click The Flyers To PARTICIPATE:

Mistress Didi*s Webcam WorkshopsBECAUSE the average person is more interested in playing the “make-wrong game” than in truth, intelligence, logic, and – Universe knows – integrity (look at politics), that movie based on a silly book is going to cause problems — many problems – for the Fetish Community and for the population at large. When this movie comes out, there WILL be more stories of vanillas inuring and killing each other from “50 Shades-ing.” There WILL be crackdowns on Our events and re-zoning of communities where We rendezvous. There WILL be a lot of other annoyances and infringements on Our liberties. It is true that when popular books are made into movies, an entirely different strata of people flock to be easily, thoughtlessly influenced. So, you have a choice:PartyDomme.com

  • PartyDomme.comYou can navigate through the foolishness that WILL come at you faster than a speeding bullet by every moron who suddenly has a fantasy that they want to be a Dominant/submissive/whatever and hope that you don’t waste too much time and deal with too much crazy; or
  • You can prepare yourself for the inevitable outcome of predictable stupidity.

While I’m busier than ever, Living My Joy and creating My Next Life Adventures, I want to raise funds for My Charities in the most efficient ways that I can at this time. It is also clear that the best way for Me to offer assistance to the many beyond My Ask Mistress Didi* Advice Blog is to conduct Webcam Workshops again. Since there are so many people who:

  • have financial/time/etc. constraints
  • have trust issues (with and without good reasons)
  • have ego battles, though they KNOW that what I offer is of Value to them

And since I have great sympathy for the vast majority of Fetishists who are “lost in the sauce of sleaze” and who cannot indulge in My ClassicFetish™ Excellence with Me in person, I am offering a one-time-only, SPECIAL DEAL:

Participate in a

Domina101™ Basics Webcam Workshop

Monday, September 15th,  8-9:30pm and Sunday, September 14th, 1-2:30pm

and/or

Superior submissive™ Basics Webcam Workshop

Tuesday, September 16th, 8-9:30pm and Saturday, September 13th, 1-2:30pm

With a $20 donation for My Charities

Read course descriptions here

Now, if you’re thinking that:

(i) you don’t think what I’m offering is worth $20, and

(ii) that the requirement to make a donation to My Charities is, therefore, not a FREE workshop – that you are worthy of My Gifts without giving anything back to anyone,

then READ THIS.

Remember, if you’re not a part of the solution, you are a part of the problem.

Have Your subs participate, too.

If you cannot participate in this amazing opportunity, please be so kind as to make a donation to My CharityWater Campaign. No amount is too small. Thank you!

Always MY Pleasure,
Mistress Didi*

Click for your FREE ebook!

Why you Don’t & Won’t Have What you Want

Why you Don’t & Won’t Have What you Want by The Mistress Didi* is an excerpt from Her Ask Mistress Didi* Mentoring blog.

June 2014

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

Dear Mistress Didi*,

You were unfair to dismiss me…  i tried my best to serve You…  You didn’t give me a chance… [Other whining without acknowledging responsibility omitted.]

‑ “pitty-me” sub

I encourage people, especially Dominants, to pass this on to subs, “wanna-subs,” and others who dare to attempt to guilt You into tolerating their abominable behaviors.

PAY ATTENTION:

I am consistent for a reason: to maintain the excellence of My Domain on My terms and to thwart whining attempts to top from the bottom and other idiot behaviors by manipulative creatures.  The Rules of My Domain are provided to EVERYONE, listed on My websites, and even listed on The DommeSalon™ site so that there are NO valid reasons nor opportunities for irresponsible, whiny, outrage that you do not have what you want — and you never will — not from Me or anyone of value.

I am unique.  I take the time to be as clear as possible by writing My requirements and making them available to EVERY person who desires to be a part of My Domain and I also make My Rules publicly available.  VERY few Dominants do this – why they don’t baffles Me when the practice cuts down on the fakers, shakers, and annoyance makers.  The process I use for My Rules is consistent with how I run My Domain and My businesses.  I seldom, if ever, deviate from this process because it is the deal-breaker when people want to “work their idiocy.”

When your intention is to use a situation to accommodate who you think you are without respect for the situation, you deny the opportunity for growth of any kind and you will always end up being deficient from the same pattern of behavior as demonstrated by your failure in My Domain:

1)  you psyche yourself into believing you are worthy of a situation that thrills you – that you do NOT have in your life, but which you DO want.  Many people see a BDSM movie and, just because they think they are amused by identifyng with a Dominant or get a stirring in their loins from thoughts of being a submissive, they believe that they ARE already this fantasy as a reality. Foolishly, because you know that you’re full of XXXX, you want to believe that I am – though I repeat Myself when I tell everyone that this world and way of being is My REALITY AND MY LIFESTYLE.

I often encounter this scenario with newbie Dominants who, after seeking My counsel and tutelage, get carried away and think they can tell ME how to be a Domme…  What’s worse are the ones who forget their manners and dare to think they can dick-tate the terms of Our relationship to Me (see Confusing Dominance For Bullying).

2)  you RECEIVE AND AGREE to My Rules, which I email to you prior to permitting you to connect with Me for service and you say anything to get moving on your scheme of crazy thinking that I will acquiesce to the ridiculous standards that you are accustomed to with the silly females (and males) in your life.

What always amazes Me is how any of you can think that you are so “special” that I will suddenly NOT maintain the Domain I’ve built and have sustained for the greater part of My life because you popped up wanting the same thing I’ve heard for many years and continue to hear day in and day out.  None of you are ever original; same stupidity, different moron.

REMEMBER:  you want What I Have and Who I Am because on your deepest level, you know that the value given to you by the silly females/males in your realm is FALSE.   you need Me and Mine to desperately try to convince yourself otherwise.   you should be grateful to these silly people and treat them better.  Their delusional love for and about you may be all you have to get you through your life.  While less than what you want and deserve, atleast, be worthy of them.

3)  you LIE and attempt to cheat by not honoring your agreement/following instructions and try to shirk your responsibility in all aspects of the scenario.  Worse, you dare to pull a “brat attack.”  I do not see how anyone with an iota of intelligence can think that I will be guilty for NOT accepting your choice to be inferior.

4)  Soon, you realize that you’ve dug your own grave because, again, I HAVE WHAT you WANT, NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND.  I graciously gave you the chance to step up and show up to be worthy of what you want and you failed.  That recognition of your reality is going to eat at you for an eternity.  Why?  Because:

  • you maintain delusions of believing you are greater than you will ever be because you do NO work to be better;
  • you will always be inferior because you are lazy and ludicrous; and
  • you refuse to accept personal responsibility for your failings and, therefore, will fail in your goals by either doing a half-azzed job which will result in ineptitude or by not realizing them at all.  you will remain a loser.

5)  When you fail in your pathetic tirade to Me, you run to any and every loser who will gobble your maligning tales against Me like the toxic, gluttons they are.  you will then foolishly believe that you found your niche and a “community” where you can live out your fantasies. The only thing you will find are others who mirror your inadequacies.  your reputation will become known by Quality Fetishists and humans, who will shun you.  The more you associate with slime, the faster your lack of value will be noticeable by those who actually have what you desire.

Think of it this way:  puss starts small and expands –> gangrene –> amputation –> discard of the useless appendage –> beauty marred and functionality impaired –> life sux more and is harder.  

IMPORTANT NOTE:  This analogy is meant to connect a personality defect to the physical level for better conceptual comprehension.  If you are a soldier who lost a limb(s) honorably, NO ONE OF VALUE will consider you less beautiful and definitely not less functional because soldiers are miraculous people who CAN do anything.  Remove your greatness from anyone who does not appreciate you.  This is why it is so important for Us to SUPPORT OUR TROOPS, VOTE FOR Veteran Benefits, and pay attention towho/which pundits do not (always the same creatures who want to send everyone else’s children to war).

While there are a lot like you, there is only one Me.  you will quickly be replaced by those who are always waiting in line to serve Me and those who follow The Rules are always granted sanctuary in My Domain.  Those who enact the mediocre behaviors that define you will join you in the world of sleaze, greed, and irresponsible dangers parading as fetishists in the world today.

Summary

  • you are delusional in your views of yourself and when given the opportunity to indulge in what someone else created that you want, you refuse to do any work to be worthy of it;
  • you lack respect for what you want and those who have created it and you lie, cheat, and attempt to defame when you fail; and
  • you refuse to accept personal responsibility for your failings and you will remain a pathetic loser.

AGAIN, I advise you to download and read My Complimentary Fetish Etiquette Guide, How To Present yourself To A Mistress.

Always MY Pleasure & The Best,
The Mistress Didi*
www.PartyDomme.com
www.Blackthornz.com

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

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Warning: This year’s stalker…

A Tip from The Mistress Didi*

Special Note

June 5, 2013

This note was written to assist a person who was dismissed from My Domain for (1) increasingly aggressive behavior, (2) over-stepping boundaries with My Guests and Friends; and (3) endangering My well-being while disobeying medical and legal rules on his driving abilities, to move on with his life in a positive manner and to cease and desist all threats, stalking, harassment (including of My assistants and associates), and attempts to disrupt anything else in My Domain before he destroys his family’s life and future.

 *****

Here’s why I have such extensive security measures for ALL of My Events:

One of the annoyances of extending invitations to the public is having to vet undesireables.

There is always some creature who refuses to take responsibility for his bad behavior being the reason he was ejected from My Domain and not wanted by the people who associate and party with Me.

These types of people were that ugly kid on the playground that no one liked because he was too busy trying to force what he wanted on everyone else and didn’t ever want to learn how to “play nice.” So, when people rejected him for being creepy, a liar, a cheat, a manipulator, etc., he maintained (and still does as an adult) that everyone else is wrong to OFFEND him with ostracization.

I have always felt sorry for the ugly-little-kids and, obviously, STILL have not learned that by giving them a chance to be cool, that they will not choose to evolve. These are damaged creatures who “bite the hand that feeds them” and only desire to destroy because they don’t feel they are worthy of love in any of its forms. And they do everything possible to refuse your kindness to prove that point!

So, this year’s ugly-little-kid is doing:

  • the stalking thing;
  • the typical attempting-to-defame-Me thing;
  • the making-up-profiles-on-fetlife-to-attempt-to-taunt-Me thing (poor creature even has them giving him compliments);
  • the projecting-his-behaviors-onto-Me-thing;
  • the believing-there’s-a-conspiracy-against-him thing;
  • the attempting-to-pit-My-friends-and-other-women-against-Me thing;
  • the harassing-My-assistants thing;
  • the texting-and-emailing-Me thing;

– all the usual loser-fare that all the other losers before him have tried to do. they are never original.

And this one refuses to accept that there was a computer glitch – though knowing of My device problems – and an error occurred – the message wasn’t for or about him (but sociopathic narcissists always believe -everything- is about them). Nor will the creature accept the apology I made privately and publicly – as if anyone is even paying attention to him – which is ultimately his problem.

The sad thing is that these pathetic creatures are so insistent on making Me/you/everyone wrong for their choices to be immature, badly behaved, and their refusal to accept personal responsibility that they abuse and ENDANGER their own families. That’s how their children become drug addicts, alcoholics, victims of others’ abuses, commit suicide, etc.

The internet is a wonderful thing. I, for one, am glad that every movement you make is tracked by Big Brother and I’m voting for this practice to continue.

I’m also ecstatic that I have friends in high places who have taken steps to stop previous stalkers and are observing physically as well as electronically.

Hopefully, the offender will not be seen anywhere near Me and Mine again, or I will not be able to continue to protect him from My scary friends… even if I wanted to.

I really hope that this one – and all of the others – finally get the professional care that will help them to evolve to contribute something of beauty to the world and not waste their lives h8ting themselves. Because their self-h8tred IS the impetus for all of their behaviors.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mistress Didi*

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

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Being a Lifestyle Dominant for Her entire life, The Mistress Didi* has explored various aspects of the BDSM and D/s Scenes including 24/7 relationships, slave ownership, Professional Domination (before it became synonymous with “hoochies with whips) and Fetish Event Planning.  The Mistress Didi* has benefited from an extensive education in the functions of the human body and psyche, holds a Master’s Degree in Rehabilitation Therapy and is currently working on Her PhD.

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Safety Tips For Dommes by The Mistress Didi*

Safety Tips For Dommes by The Mistress Didi* is an excerpt from Her Ask Mistress Didi* advice blog.

February 28, 2013

Q: Dear Mistress Didi,

I heard about the horrible tragedy of [NAME WITHHELD] and now I’m afraid.  How am I supposed to find subs when such horrible things ARE happening?

~ Miss J

 *****

Dear Miss J,

I am writing this as a public service to Dommes and Women everywhere and I encourage Us all to share these precautions with the younger generations.

The world is full of nut-jobs and people who are wealthy enough to have some “professional” enable them to avoid taking responsibility for their actions by deeming that they have a “disorder,” putting them on cocktails of medications, making Big Pharma richer, and giving them an excuse from prosecution to the fullest for their crimes.

It’s scary out there and although nut-jobs can get through your filters, there are precautions that EVERY Domme should take – every woman, for that matter.  Unfortunately, there are many horrid cases of Women who let their delusions of Dominance get in the way of their intelligence.

My suggestions to protect Yourself in EVERY way possible are:

1)    Keep your private life private.  We all have Scene Names for a reason: to protect Our privacy which includes Our family, friends, associates, submissives, Play partners, pets, your favorite grocery store, etc.  A common mistake that a lot of confused Dommes make is to want to be liked/accepted by potential submissives, which is exactly the opposite of what You’re supposed to do.  The submissive’s goal is to want to be liked and accepted by YOU through proper service and good deeds.  ONLY after a considerable amount of time of service (for Me, sometimes several years) should a submissive be allowed into Your personal realm.  It is also important that you respect others’ privacy as well.  Do not divulge information; let the person choose what She wants to be known and to whom by relaying the information Herself.

2)    Don’t be a “desperate Domme.”  Too many people make the mistake of approaching submissive acquisition and training from a void within their lives.  “Accoutrements,” as I call them, are supposed to be an addition to Your already full life; not a missing piece to the puzzle.  One submissive cannot be everything.  That is why I have the motto: From each according to their ability; to each according to My desires (a little play on Marx & Engells).  Remember, it is better to have no subs than even one “substandard.” Desperation makes people ignore signs of trouble and make decisions that are contrary to their best interests.

3)    Have a buddy system.  One of the best rules that My Mother had and still has for Me and My friends is to call when We get home or wherever We’re going.  Always have your whereabouts and whom you are with known to a trusted associate who will look out for you.  Be certain to give names and cell phone numbers and, one thing I insist upon, is license plate info.  Not only is this a smart thing to do, but it is a courteous thing to do for those who love and care for you.  Should anything happen, your chances are better with as much information as possible for the authorities.

4)    Be very careful of whom you consider a “friend.”  Unfortunately, too many people think that just because someone agrees with them, seems to think the way they do, has similar interests, etc., that you are both on the same level.  Before getting close to someone:

a)    Observe the words they use in general because words ARE indications of how the person (1) interprets the world and people in it, and (2) will behave.  Notice the patterns and relationships in their language.  For example, a person whose conversation is predominantly about distrust of others is not to be trusted.  And a person whose conversation is about woe and failure will be a saboteur to herself (and probably at some point to you).  People always project what they dislike most about themselves onto others;

b)    Observe how they respect Your privacy.  Beware of people who need to discuss Your business as part of conversations with others because their carelessness can endanger You.  Definitely confront them politely and point out how You wish Your privacy to be respected.  If they are unable to control themselves, cut them loose;

c)    Associate with “like kinds of people.”  One of My “issues” from childhood is (still) being compassionate and wanting everyone to be able to play (and as an adult, “Play”).  I was always the kid at the playground who got everyone involved in a game.  Even as a child, those twisted-misfit-socially-inept kids would turn on Me at some point even though they knew they would go back to being outcasts.  Whether this is idiot-nature or “disorder nature” is irrelevant; the fact is that some people are so comfortable in their discomfort that when they get the opportunity to have what they want, they choose to operate from fear and unworthiness and attack the giver.  Every back-stabbing-dumb-bitch you’ve ever known is one of these misfits who does not believe s/he is worthy of what You represent and, as losers always do, they try to dim Your Light so they can remain in darkness.

The TRUTH is that these people are NOT worthy of Your energies and that is their choice.  Respect their choices to be unhappy, miserable, lying to themselves and the world, etc., as You want Your choice to be fabulous to be respected;

d)    Practice forgiveness but don’t be stupid.  Jesus said to “turn the other cheek” but did not say to get beat up!  My late stepfather, a theosophist, offered an interesting point: that to turn the other cheek meant to approach the person in a different way rather than to give them another chance to show you how they are limited.  In other words, when you give them another chance, give directions (subtle or not) in what is expected of them so that they have the opportunity to evolve to where you are.  If this person continues in unacceptable behavior, release them from Your environment.

Resource:  When And How To Unfriend In Your Life

5)    Always have a back-up plan.  Don’t forget that Our Scene is a fantasy for most, so many don’t believe that they need to respect you and your wishes because it’s not their real-life.  You should treat everything about you as real and don’t rely on anyone until they have proven to be of value and trustworthy.  Do not go out with people unless you have the means to take care of your expenses and a way to get back home.

6)    Maintain protocols.  The lack of manners and class is running rampant as more and more people spawn instead of raise their children.  Too many people have entitlement issues that are completely unwarranted.  When people become too familiar with you, they will diminish your standing to themselves which leads to nothing but problems.  The use of titles, order-and-response rules, postures, etc., not only maintains the level of integrity of relationships, it preserves the specialness of Our Scene.

7)    Choose Your words carefully and don’t get caught up in “hate bait.”  The internet is full of websites for gruesomes to get together and try to attack all of the people who ARE DOING FABULOUS THINGS while they don’t even offer tiny bits of beauty for Us to enjoy.  No matter what You say, some loser will choose to pick individual words to make their jealousy-based, false fantasy an attack on You.  NEVER do they ever feel better about themselves; the illusion that they “top” You merely distracts them from their self-loathing long enough until they find the next person to attack.  Avoid engagements with people who have nothing to offer – not even to themselves.  If You feel You must address a situation concerning them, do it in the “third person” – speak about a concept which reflects them, but not directly to them.Don’t let your ego get you ensnared; completely have no care about what they have to say.  Ignore them and they will go away to feed off of someone else.  If you absolutely feel you MUST address them, thank them for reminding you of what The Bible says and link to Matthew 7:6.

8)    Don’t ignore your intuition and/or warning signs and report offenders immediately.  We have intuition for a reason.  Pay attention to it.  If it feels wrong, it IS wrong.  Better to mistake that sign of warning than to have a headstone on your grave as a sign to warn others.  Keep records of activities in case you need them as proof of offenses.  Too often, We are afraid of what others may “think” of Us (e.g., that We’re paranoid), but remember this: people will think and believe whatever they choose to – no matter what the facts are.  And if they were capable of intelligent thought, they would focus on creating happiness their own lives instead of being in judgment of yours.

One thing that I find stupid in Our Scene is the practice of “don’t tell” that protects offenders and endangers other people.  If you are not a part of the solution, you are a part of the problem.  Even though My so-called-friends at the time witnessed the activities of a dangerous stalker, those pathetic creatures were annoyed with ME for telling the world about him.  No one wants to admit that My actions calmed his craziness down and he is now under control.  I will insist until the end of My days that if offenders are “outted,” offenses will be curtailed because people are afraid of confrontation and being ostracized from groups almost more than they are afraid of going to jail.  This is a reason that Meagan’s Law works.  I advise that the group is not worthy of your energies if they do not support your safety and wellness – and the wellness of others – by allowing offenders to roam freely and continue to be unpunished.

9)    Do not leave food or drink unattended and do not eat or drink anything you did not see prepared.  People are drugged and violated every day.  Nothing else needs to be said.

10) Be aware of what’s happening in the news.  Every time one of those silly, “buffies” from a gated, suburban community moves to New York City and decides to go jogging in Central Park at dangerous times of the day, I’m more offended that an innocent, Black and/or Hispanic male will be jailed – as happened with The Central Park 5 – than I am that another female was endangered by extreme ignorance and arrogance.  Ignorance, especially today with the internet literally at your fingertips, is NO excuse.  Know what to be aware of and where, and take steps to protect yourself.

Resource:  “The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker draws on his extensive expertise to explode the myth that most violent acts are random and unpredictable and shows that they usually have discernible motives and are preceded by clear warning signs. Through dozens of compelling stories from his own career and life, he unravels the complexities of violent behavior and details the pre-incident indicators (PINs) that can determine if someone poses a danger to us.”

Resource (contact your local office): Resources for Victims or Witnesses of Hate Crimes | The New York County District Attorney’s Office

Love Yourself and be smart.

Always MY Pleasure,
Mistress Didi*

*****

If you have a question that has NOT already been addressed, you may Ask Mistress Didi*.  Remember your manners…

I’m a Domme, not your mom.

More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom

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